Saturday, July 4, 2009
Happy Fourth, Speed Posting and An Award!
Happy Fourth and God Save Our Liberty! I am speed posting because my modem has died quite an untimely death at the age of six. It has been a long and painful process of diagnosing whether it was the router or the modem and after nearly 10 phone calls to either the phone company (I have memorized the syrupy recorded instructions for unplugging and re-plugging the modem which you hear in case you are too stupid to have already tried that a dozen times before calling if anyone would like to hear it) or the router company, I have success. After I called for what I deemed the last time this week and assured the fellow sitting at a desk with a list of things for me to do which involved crawling around on the floor unplugging cables and checking ports and then climbing back into the chair to 'ping' this and 'ping' that, I told him I refused to do that anymore and they could send me a new modem free of charge. After hesitating and saying, "Hmmmm . . . . ." several times, he transferred me to the billing department and the lady there agreed that I had been an excellent customer and that I could indeed, if pressed, seek internet and phone service elsewhere, complemented me on having paid my bill monthly for years and agreed to send said modem free of charge. So, for now, I get internet for maybe 15 minutes at a time and then for hours none at all. I would like to therefore thank Mrs. Topham, my high school typing teacher whose class turned out to be possibly the most valuable I sat through (although at the time it did not seem so and Mrs. Topham, not haling from the south, was constantly threatening to send me 'OAT'! which meant 'out' for talking. My humble apologies to her).
Now, Doreen over at Doreen's Miniatures, sent me a reading award and my apologies if I have to wait until Monday when the new baby modem arrives to pass it on! I doubt I would be able to make the rounds alerting everyone of its 'awardation' to them. And the book I have been currently reading, Southern Ladies and Gentlemen by Florence King pokes fun of our distinctly southern predilections, characters and sayings (one being, "Law! It's so hot, I think I might die!" and another, "Why, thank you so much. You are evuh so kind!" which I have found myself saying now and again in some form or another). And I am working on some mini's which I will photograph and show when I have a consistent; operating modem. But this book is also quite bawdy and psychoanalyzes the sexual undercurrents of southern flirting and inter-relationships and so, as I was supposed to quote the fifth complete sentence on page 161, I could not do so lest my blog be required to know whether a visitor is 18 or older?. So, I turned over to page 180 in which King was describing that wispy little gray-haired character who exists in great numbers in every southern town, the Dear Old Thing and the tendency for her long-suffering and hard-working husband to one day simply fall over dead.
"Husbands of Dear Old Things are eulogized on the obit page in tributes that have a curious tendency to begin: 'Suddenly, at his home . . . .'" It goes on: "Dropping dead is a fate that awaits him, and he seems to know it to judge from the size and type of insurance he buys. His widow never uses the expression 'dropping dead' when she describes his passing because it implies that he lived under a strain. She prefers the vaguer: 'One minute he was there, and the next minute, when I turned around, he was gone!' Her friends can empathize with this jig-time bereavement because they have experienced it, too so they reply: 'It's better that he didn't suffer.' This euphemistic exchange protects the vision of the Southern Way of Life and conceals the fact, known subconsciously to all, that the South's oak-and-ivy marital customs lead to early death from exhaustion for men and scatterbrained helplessness for women."
Doreen, thank you for the award and I will pass it on this coming week when the new shiny modem arrives. As for now, the DSL and Internet lights are blinking!!!
Posted by Hampton Road Farms at 9:45 AM